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When Hate Goes Viral

  • Nicole Doyley
  • 7 days ago
  • 5 min read

How to Talk to Your Kids About Racism in a World That Rewards Outrage



(This article by Nicole also appeared in the Presbyterian News Service.)


On April 28th a Rochester, Minnesota, white woman named Shiloh Hendrix accused a 5-year-old Black boy of stealing something from her diaper bag. Her racism became immediately evident when she shouted racial slurs at him, calling him the N-word. The boy also happens to be autistic.  In defense of him, a man named Sharmake Omar took out his phone, pressed record and confronted the woman. The woman responded by shouting racial slurs at him, doubling down on her right to use this language.

 

Omar’s video went viral, and because Hendrix allegedly received death threats, someone set up a GiveSendGo campaign. To date, tens of thousands of people from all over the country have donated over $700,000 to Hendrix. So many doners used racial slurs and Nazi jargon in the comments of the campaign that it overwhelmed the profanity filter. Some called for the killing or deportation of all non-whites. Others called Black people savages and used the spoonerism “Nate Higgers.”[1]

 

This story is disturbing on many levels, not the least of which is the fact that it is as old as the United States itself: white women accusing Black boys of nefarious deeds which brings racism bubbling to the surface and sometimes results in threats of violence or actual violence (think Emmett Till).

 

The question is, how can parents help their kids make sense of such a confusing moral landscape, where racism is flaunted, and bad behavior rewarded? It doesn’t help that in the age of the internet, kids often know the news before we do. It was my seventeen-year-old who first told me about this story. Ignoring bad news, hoping they won’t see it, is naive.

 

Here are four suggestions to help talk to you kids about disturbing stories:

 

1.     When they hear stories like the Rochester incident, start with the big picture. The Bible tells us that there are six things the Lord hates and one of them is, "feet that run swiftly to evil" (Proverbs 6:18 AMP). God doesn’t want us to do evil and He doesn’t want us to run to see it either. Back in the day, kids ran to watch kids fight at recess. Today with the internet, kids can scroll to see hatred and anger 24/7. That is not healthy, and it is not God’s way. God tells us to think about “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable” (Phil 4:8 NIV). It is impossible to do this if we’re outraged all the time. Help your kids to think about excellent and praiseworthy things by pointing out a beautiful sky, the kindness of a stranger, the generous gift from grandma, the beautiful music on the radio. Give them books with vibrant pictures and noble stories. Take them to the museum and point out gorgeous paintings; help them to appreciate the wonder of a woman sculpted out of marble. Give them a steady diet of awe and teach them that constantly feeding on offense will poison their soul.


2.     This doesn’t mean that you should ignore realities like racism, though. Rather, teach your kids about race and racism even when they’re young. You can say things like “Recently a lady was mean to a little boy because of the color of his skin. That was very wrong, and it made God very sad.” Child psychologist, Dr. Julia Chen says, “We think we’re protecting our kids by not talking about racist incidents. . . . But actually, not talking about it is not helping.”[2]  It is a lack of candor about racism that sets kids up for a big fall. If they have no idea they might be disrespected because of their color, they will be devastated if it happens to them or when they hear about it happening to someone else. Whether your kids are white or kids of color, tell them that God created all people in His image, and those with dark skin bear His image just as much as those with light skin. He loves all people equally and He delights in creating people with all different skin tones, eye shapes, and hair textures. It is all VERY GOOD!


3.     Teach your kids that the root of racism is hate, and God equates hate with murder: “Anyone who hates another brother or sister[a] is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don’t have eternal life within them" (1 John 3:15 NLT). Jesus teaches us that the second greatest command (after loving God) is loving neighbor, and our neighbor includes people of every race and ethnicity. You cannot love God and hate people.


4.     Teach them that part of living in a sinful world means that sometimes right and wrong get mixed up. Isaiah 5:20 says, “Woe to those who call evil good and good evil” (NIV). Sometimes sinful people will call bad behavior, like the behavior of Shiloh Hendrix, good and they will even reward it, rather than rewarding the brave action of a stranger trying to defend a child. Kids find it confusing when adults do this because they feel adults should know better. But the truth is, adults who are filled with hate do not know better. The hate in their hearts deceives them and guides their actions. All we can do for them is pray that their lives will be transformed by God’s love. In the meantime, teach your kids that God has made right and wrong evident in Scripture; His Word and the Holy Spirit will guide us into all truth.


There are many sad things about this story, including the fact that Ms. Hendrix shouted these slurs with her own young child on her hip.  No wonder racism is still alive and well and we are not yet living in a post-racial society. Parents keep passing it down to their kids. They keep teaching their kids to hate and hate keeps finding new little hearts in which to dwell. Perhaps tonight, with your kids, you can model love by praying for Shiloh Hendrix, that God’s transforming love will invade her life, for the little Black boy and his family, that God would heal them and that they would refuse to return evil for evil and for Sharmake Omar, that God would protect him and draw him to himself.


In his sermon called, “Loving Your Enemies,” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, "Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."[3] Let’s teach that to our children.



 


[2] Heidi Shin, “I’m Helping My Korean-American Daughter Embrace Her Identity to Counter Racism,” New York Times, March 19, 2021, https://www.nytimes.com/2021/03/19/well/family/Talking-to-chil- dren-anti-Asian-bias.html.

 
 
 

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